haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
