omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
