i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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