I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
