I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
