If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
