I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
