If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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