Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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