We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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