so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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