i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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