dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
