I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
