Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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