I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
