My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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