Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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