So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
