her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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