I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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