i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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