Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
