Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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