This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
