I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
