I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
