I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
