Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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