Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
