i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
