Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
