Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
