you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
