Soap is not a condiment
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
