someone threw a dead crab at me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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