Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
