New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
