haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
