Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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