he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
