You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
