I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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