i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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