i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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