Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
