Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
