You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
