i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
