He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
