I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
