How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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