Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
