the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
