girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
