Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
